


marking it amongst the stars

by keeping_your_distance



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, a little mention of Pidge and Shiro, based on S4E6 aka the Narxzela incident, lots of face holding ig, mentions of death but no death occurs coz keith is alive, yeah im angry at Keith but you know who else is? Lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 23:56:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19756369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keeping_your_distance/pseuds/keeping_your_distance
Summary: Lance was on his way to the main deck and meet up with everyone as fast as he can but the route to the main deck had never felt this long.Cold sweat falls from the edges of Lance's face when he looked up to see Keith, full of scratches, bending over to catch his breath. Keith is here. Keith is alive.And before anything else happens, Lance's heart wants out.





	marking it amongst the stars

Lance was on his way to the main deck and meet up with everyone as fast as he can.

The route to the main deck had never felt this long.

With legs weak from the sudden tonne-force of gravity from Naxzela, he's surprised that he even made it out of Blue. He was able to make quite a distance out of the bay before his knees buckle below him. He catches himself, hand on the wall with all the strength that he could muster before he slowly lowers himself to the floor, meeting the floor with a heavy thump. He won't be able to meet up with the others at this rate.

He presses his eyes closed with his palms, trying to soothe the pain that stings at the back of his eyes. He should be able to organise his thoughts, it was supposed to be one of the things that he knows how to do best.

But at this moment? He's not so sure.

He knows what happened-- at least heard what happened -- just as everyone thought that the planet was about to destroy itself and everything from a wider radius, he had heard Pidge scream into the comms. In that exact instant, a cold rush went down his spine and he instantly felt that something was wrong. More alarms were ringing in his head as if he could possibly be more alert than he was after avoiding death on that planet. His heart should be beating fast from adrenaline from the rush of it all but Pidge's cries left it feeling as if someone had gripped it tightly. He didn't want to turn around.

Shiro, who was usually collected, started to shout into the open comms that connected to a stray BoM spacecraft. A familiar voice replied back but Lance couldn't comprehend for the life of him what he was saying. Something was terribly wrong. He didn't know how Voltron managed to keep flying away from the planet because he had lost the strength to push the handle. If he was in the right mind, he would've turned around but his grip was solid. Stuck.

How was it possible to think that those hands on the handle weren't his?

_No, no, no. Calm down. You're in the castle now._ He tries to push his thoughts away, fixating his focus on his open hands. He curls them into a weak fist, clasping them closer to his chest to contain the tremor that possessed them.

The last scenes replay over and over again behind his eyelids. Shades of purple repeatedly cover his vision no matter how hard he closes his eyes, the colour so vivid he thought he was reliving it again.

He shoves the helmet out of the way and the disarray of voices calling his name along with it. A loud ringing invades his ears and he presses his palm on them hard. Lance huffs loudly for air as he folds into himself, feeling as if everything is gradually becoming smaller. He just wants it to end.

"Lance?" A voice cuts clear through the echo. Cold sweat falls from the edges of Lance's face when he looked up to see Keith full of scratches, bending over to catch his breath. Keith's eyes are the same colour as the lasers that he keeps seeing if not a completely different, warmer shade. Warm enough to be alive. Keith is alive.

And before anything else happens, Lance's heart wants out.

He opens his mouth to say something but his jaw was shaking. Lance swallows but it was dry so he emptily laughs until it gets caught in his throat. He doesn't even know what to say; doesn't trust himself of what he might say.

"Lance, breathe." Keith kneels and leans a hand by his shoulder.

Lance could feel his skin prickle under his armoured suit and forcefully jerks his shoulder away. His stomach feels as if it's in a heavy knot but he takes a shaky breath out.

Keith's hands were left floating in the air. He bites his lips, confused and struggling to hide the pained expression drawn on his face. "Lance--"

"Fuck you," His voice came out stronger than Lance had hoped, wincing at how loud it rang in his own ears but he continues, "Especially when you won't listen to us in the first place. What were you doing? Doing something as stupid as--"

He stops, choking back his anger but another peek on Keith's face shows that he knows exactly what he's talking about. His pursed lips and downward gaze makes Lance want to scoff.

So _now_ , he knows.

"I'm sorry," Keith's voice was heavy.

Lance grits his teeth. "Do you think a sorry is all it takes? And what then, did it ever occur to you that you'd never come back? Like some goddamn suicidal maniac? Some fucking-- You didn't even know if it was gonna work! You expect us to think that it's for the best? Your death is gonna suffice? Inevitable because we're in the middle of the war? Fucking bullshit."

Lance can feel the strength in his hands return, squeezing them cold. He doesn't know if they're trembling because he was still weak, but one thing is for sure; he really wants to the punch Keith's face no matter how pretty he once thought it was. Lance is angry. "Sorry isn't gonna cut it."

Lance is angry. _Furious_ , even.  
And it's so vexing because it's the only thing Lance could do.

He knows how reckless Keith is during battle. How his recklessness can be seen as bravery during the drastic times he acted by himself.

How he constantly goes against Kolivan, leaving no man behind no matter how many times he tries to drill it in his head. Yet, he thinks so little of his own safety as he fixates on attaining the end goal -- no matter what happens to him.

How Keith cares about the lives of others but he can't seem to see himself as part of it. Much so as to push them all away, and all Lance could do was stand and watch from afar.

He knows that Keith will go to great lengths-- but he never knew that it would end up like this.

It's just so damn frustrating that in the midst of it all, all he could do was watch it happen right before him and everyone in the team. He wants to punch himself.

"I'm sorry," Keith says it again in a whisper but it was loud enough to stop Lance from saying another word. Just from those simple words, all the temper that he had built up crumbled beneath him, unsure how to keep it together. He wants to punch the living daylights out of him; the trembling in his fists still remain but slowly disappearing. He feels defeated. "Lance--"

"Don't." Lance stops him and Keith takes a sharp breath.

"I-I was the right person at the right time and it was something that had to be done otherwise--"

"No, it didn't. If it wasn't for Lotor, you would've been dead."

"Lotor only did it to convince us and that he'll get the upper hand in the negotiations--"

"'Cause no one would've had to kill themselves in the first place! You didn't get left behind!" He shouts and suddenly his line of vision is obstructed with tears. "Fuck." Lance closes his eyes to press the tears away.

"Lance..." Cold hands clasp on his cheeks, shaky thumbs tracing over his eyelids.

He didn't realise his shoulders had been so tensely raised until he lets them drop. He can feel himself sink and being caught in those hands. Tears had begun to flow down to his cheeks, outlining where Keith's hands rested. Keith holds him, and he cries just like that. Using the bit of strength he had, he brought his own hands to clasp onto them. " _Keith--_ " Lance cries out and Keith keeps his hold just a little tighter.

Keith takes a deep breath and brings his forehead closer so that he leans onto Lance's. "I'm here now."

They stay like that for a bit, and Lance gathers the courage to glimpse up, noticing the small freckles resting above his cheekbones and along the corners of Keith's eyes. He crooks his head, lifting a little higher, spotting a secret mole by the outline of his brow that was hiding behind his fringe. Keith's thumb circles around the edges of his cheeks in a slow rhythm.

If Lance was in his normal state, he could have made a remark about how he didn't realise that someone like Keith was capable of doing something like this. The unfamiliarity of it gave Lance goosebumps, but he has this unreasonable desire for his hands to soothe him until he becomes accustomed to it. It feels good.

Keith leans into the forehead touch, turning their heads side to side in a slow notion and Lance closes his eyes as he rides with the motion, feeling more himself with every rock, every breath. They stay like that for a bit, at least until Lance recovers his breath from stuttering.

Goddammit fucking Keith.

"Don't ever do it again." Lance pleads under his breath. "You can't leave us."  
_Not me._ He choked before he let those words out.

He's scared that Keith will do something like that again.

Keith shakes his head, the ends of his hair brushing between them. Lance knows that he isn't the type of person to lie, which makes it feel worse when he doesn't say anything back. "Keith," he calls out his name a little stronger, and he stops moving their heads.

Lance remembers something when he once talked with Keith. You could say that for him, it was a pivotal moment in what he thought about Keith, felt it slowly transform into something different from a rival. He doesn't know what to call it yet, and it's not something that he can just slap a name to.

He remembers that day when he walked into Keith's room; counting the number of pilots with his fingers, and there was one too many. He didn't say it out loud but he saw himself as the lonesome and wondered what the extra pilot can do without their Lion now that Allura became the Blue's pilot and Shiro was safe and ready to pilot Black again.

All that Keith said was to leave the math to Pidge, but even he didn't follow his own words when he left to partner with the Blade of Marmora. Lance counted again that night after they said their farewells. His pinkie finger felt heavier; the weight of regret tugging on it. Instead of him, Keith took himself out of the equation.

He won't let it happen again.

"Keith," Lance says, releasing his hand to bring to the centre. "Promise me that you won't." Keith looks down to it, not moving his forehead away. "Pinky promise me."

If Lance is the pinkie left out from the others, he can use his useless place to stop him from doing this again. If he's the odd one out, then he'll use this position to keep him from leaving.

Give him a reason to stay.

"Please."

_Be the reason he's here to stay._

Keith pauses for a second before he wipes the tear trails off Lance's face.  
Lance is silent. Waiting.

"I promise."

Keith links his pinkie. "I promise," He says it again, latching onto it with a firm grip as if he was trying to convey the strength he has in his resolve. "I'm not going to leave you or the others."

"Liar."

"Then I'll swallow a hundred needles."

"A thousand." Lance corrects him. His eyes gloss with tears of relief, letting them fall as they did so.

Keith chuckles a bit, bouncing the intertwined pinkies up and down. He wipes Lance's tears with his free hand. "A thousand it is."

"I won't let you. Not after all this."

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> I finally finished this one! It's been sitting in my drafts for over a year and so I was starting to get impatient, I didn't know how I was going to finish this at all until I decided to fuck it and do whatever haha (I know the ending is rushed, I might come back to edit it but I already had enough lmao).
> 
> At the end of the story, I realised that the relationship status between the two is ambiguous (even after all the face holding); yeah sure I see klance as a romantic ship but I guess you could say that the relationship in the story is at that stage where the two of them are trying to figure it out.
> 
> I honestly just wanted Lance and Keith to have a moment, especially since Keith's 'almost' sacrifice wasn't really mentioned at all (at least from my memory, I could be wrong). The ending of S4 sure gave me a fright oof
> 
> Even after the canon ending though, I dunno, I kinda miss the series;;


End file.
